So any women on the go?

I had to restrain a strong desire to punch an elderly relative for this comment at my gran's funeral several years ago. Whether I had or not was irrelevant. In my moment of grief all she was interested in was my relationship status, not the fact I may have been upset. This is one of the things that really bugs me about the Christian community in the North at least. It's obsessed with relationships - which are a good thing but not everything, and in fact they have a very poor theology of relationships. There seems a massive pressure for people to get married. And so many christians get married so young, and some of those marriages run into problems. Northern Irish Christians all need to read some Hybels wisdom in Making Life Work (which is a fantastic book) or Fit to be Tied. It could only have good results.

Its one of the things that frustrates me about church. Sometimes I feel it would be easier to fit in if I was in a couple. Maybe I’m just more sensitive to it, having grown up with parents who split up when I was young, and mum sharing some really hurtful comments made by other Christian couples like – “if you were still together we could go out like we used to”. Can couples not spend time with single people? Are they so insecure about the stability of their relationship that they can’t be reminded of some of the harsh realities of life?

I was really pleased to hear a friend’s minister say from the front – "we will not be a church that only invites you for dinner if you’re a couple", recognising that disturbing reality that exists in some churches. In churches that clearly are missing something major about all that stuff Jesus kept talking about when he called his followers to love one another, to show hospitality. I don't remember there being any qualifiers, in fact that was the whole point of the good samaritan parable. Yet for single people churches can be lonely places.

It’s another reason why I have serious issues with John Eldridge. I read Wild at Heart a couple of years ago. While lots of people seem to think he says some good things, I had to restrain myself from throwing the book across the room on several occasions. His theology is woefully inadequate, especially when it comes to singleness. As in he doesn’t have a theology of singleness. I wondered why he didn’t really use Jesus as a role model for men – it would seem an obvious choice, but then Jesus was single and that kind of blows his theory out of the water. Passages like Matthew 19.12 and 1 Corinthians 7 are conveniently ignored by Eldridge where Jesus and Paul commend singleness.

Now I’m not just taking a pop at Eldridge but something that is endemic in the Christian community and has and is damaging lots of people. Churches sometimes assume marriage is the norm and everyone else needs married to sort them out.

In Genesis when God says its not good for man to be alone, I wonder if we read too much into that in taking it to be purely about marriage. If God lives in the community of the trinity surely what He was doing there was creating community for humanity – which is something larger than marriage, which is one expression of that. Maybe what our churches need more of is loving inclusive community with the recognition that marriage is not the be all and end all and recognition that singleness is exalted in the bible. Maybe then we might really see God’s kingdom touching earth and many of us who are broken and hurting actually finding a home…

Check out Tim Chester’s blog where he has been posting some great stuff on marriage and singleness – especially this morning’s post which precipitated this soapbox rant and has some fantastic stuff in it.

Soapbox - aware of the ironic timing of this post....

in my other life...

John O’Farrell is a pretty funny writer, but then he cut his teeth on spitting image – one of the best satirical shows that’s ever graced our screens. Although part of its appeal was probably some of the real characters around at the time – Maggie et al. The first book I read of his – ‘This is your life’ is the hilarious story of a thirtysomething pretending to be the next big thing in stand-up comedy. I raided my friend’s library for another of his books – ‘the best a man can get’ around exam time. It’s the fascinating story of a guy living a double life. With a wife and two kids in one house, then ‘working away’ in a bachelor pad with 3 other guys. He has the best of both worlds (his wife and mother of two small children may disagree…) it seems, until he invariably gets found out. Maybe the reason its so incisively funny is because we can all identify. We all have our stories of living double lives until we got found out. Mine was at school. One person to my friends, another to my family and church. Why do we feel the need to pretend, to try to be someone we are not to others? So often we feel we have to impress people to get them to like us, we’re afraid that if they saw the ‘real me’ they wouldn’t like us anymore. But we simply can’t keep up performance related friendships. People who constantly try to impress by telling you how great they are and what they are doing, but aren’t interested in you, who don’t listen aren’t people I want to spend a lot of time with. Which reminds me that often I am one of those people, insecure in my own identity. We all love authenticity, people who don’t care what others think but know who they are. Maybe by trying not to pretend, not to be different people that can help release others from the captivity of their alter egos before it all comes crashing down in flames…

In it for life...

Best man speeches are a bit of a nightmare. You really do feel the pressure to try and make people laugh, and I'm no stand-up comic, although when you have friends who have done lots of amusing things it makes it much easier. Being best man for Tim and Susie was a real pleasure and a bit of a privilege, to be so involved as they commit themselves to each other for life. There was a great moment in the service where we - Tim and Susie's family and friends also said 'i do' to helping them live faithfully with each other. It really impressed me as so often we are given the impression that once in a couple you have all you need but you don't, you still need other people around you to cheer you on, to listen and be there when it all goes pear-shaped, and to share in the joy. I guess it was reminding us that just as Tim and Susie are in it together for life - we're in it with them for life too as a community who will try to help them live faithfully. Rob Bell's 'Sex God' has some really interesting stuff on relationships connected with all this but that's for another day. I leave with one of the best photos (in my opinion - well apart from Emily the flowergirl - the true star of the show) of the day - kindly supplied by Colin's photographic genius...

And the bride and groom
I'm trying to restrain myself to not posting some of the photos and video clips I used in the speech, I have a lifetime of dinner invites to think about...

Peru

This time next month i'll be on the plane to Peru. I'm going with a bunch of students from across Ireland, where we'll be working with the Peruvian equivalent of who I work for. We (hopefully) will be doing some English language stuff with students - just as well given my spanish skills. We'll also be helping build a community centre in the outskirts of Lima. AEGUP (the Peruvian IFES movement) are pretty awesome and holistic in what they do. The community centre will not only provide a place for locals to come and use, but will host breakfast and lunch clubs for kids who probably wouldn't eat otherwise, as well as being a hub for community development teaching skills, giving health education and a lot more. With weddings and all sorts of other stuff like being crashed into going on I'm only getting around to really thinking about Peru. By the way, what are the odds, blemish free driving for years the points and an accident all in a few weeks. Thanks to all those who have dug deep to help us on our way so far, if you'd like to contribute - click on the justgiving link to the right. Hasta luego.

Big Brother does it again..

I hadn't realised we had another series on big brother until a few days after it started, and especially the last few days. As big brother becomes embroiled in another 'racism row' i have to admit to a large degree of cynicism. After the whole shilpa debacle is this simply big brother trying to redeem itself? I thought it was an experiment in social observation, although it appears to be becoming more like its orwellian inspiration and turning into social control. Obviously racism is wrong but this whole thing appears to be making a massive deal out of one comment. To throw someone out instead of warning them or talking to them about their behaviour and use of language is massively over-reacting. Apparently they weren't concerned with her motives but in the offence caused to the viewing public. Rubbish. If they really cared about offending the viewing public they wouldn't show half of what they do, and they certainly wouldn't have let the 'white bint' comment made by another contestant go unchallenged. Big Brother stinks of hypocrisy and a crass attempt to raise the ratings which i certainly won't be contributing to...

Sunday can wait.

So the sabbathing stuff is coming, I’m enjoying this time of year as things quieten down (well apart from the wedding I’m best man at on Saturday) and the CU planning for next year I’ll be at this week. It usually means my mind starts to waken up. I’ve been reading Eugene Peterson’s ‘Eat this Book – The Art of Spiritual Reading’ with the title based on John’s experience in the book of Revelation.

I’m pretty passionate about the bible – God’s revelation of himself that invites us into life with him and into his story. I hate it when people misuse the bible – giving many people ammunition for all the negative claims often made against the bible. Its pretty unique and incredible if you give it a chance, it you give it time. For people trying to follow Jesus often there can be nothing more damaging than ‘bible’lite’, than not taking it seriously, not engaging, and just dipping in for bible horoscopes to make you feel good about yourself for the day. Now hear what I’m saying - God speaks and uses lots of things but we can’t build a healthy engagement with God this way. That may do for a few weeks, or months but not for a lifetime of journey. We need to really engage - I often think it ironic that 'bible studies' (a term that fills most people with dread, because of boring, dry, comprehension-like question and answer sessions) don't really involve studying or the bible, but reading a passage once (which we pretty much instantly forget) then sharing opinions without actually getting into the text - more licking and forgetting than eating and chewing. That means coming humbly - not arrogantly thinking we have it all sorted or explained and entering into the story, sitting humbly under its authority.

We’ve been having lots of conversations in work about how we approach the bible, as it is one of our core values. There had been a phrase ‘good use of the bible’ banded about which we were aware did sound a bit like we thought we had it nailed and sorted. More profoundly one of our board stated a theological objection reminding us we don’t use the bible – if anything it ‘uses’ us. As we engage with God’s word, his Spirit changes and transforms us. its not just go and do this but we almost enter into the story, begin a conversation. And so ‘dynamic engagement with the bible’ was born.

I thought the following from Eugene was telling – as we enter into God’s story yes there is joy and promise and fulfilment but also deeply unsettling experiences…

"The bible is a most comforting book; it is also a most discomfiting book. Eat this book; it will be as sweet as honey in your mouth; it will also be bitter to your stomach. You can’t reduce this book to what you can handle; you can’t domesticate this book to what you are comfortable with. You can’t make it your toy poodle, trained to respond to your commands.

This book makes us participants in the world of God’s being and action; but we don’t participate on our terms. We don’t get to make up the plot or decide what character we’ll be. This book has generative power; things happen to us as we let the text call forth, stimulate, rebuke, prune us. We don’t end up the same.

Eat this book but keep a well stocked cupboard of Settlers and Alka-seltzer."

I'm excited about continuing my journey of understanding, experiencing and being involved in what God is doing in history, to do that its vitally important we engage properly and meaningfully with his word. I leave you with a question posed by a friend...

"How can I read the Bible to enter into its story so that its story becomes my story and the story of this community I have come to love?"

small, black and beautiful

Yes I have crossed to the dark side. Zoomie please don't kill me. I have entered ipod land. It just looks so nice. What did disturb me was that of its 30GB, well actually 27, I have already filled 14GB with music and a podcast frenzy. That's over 9 days solid of audio. Being a bit of a geek I was listening to some interesting stuff from Harvard Business Review - stay with me, and stop snoring, about the need for rest and healthy balance to life which stirred up some memories of one of my colleagues frightening me during the week by quoting something I said back at me (from something I did on sabbathing) which nicely tied in to my first ever visit to a book launch from the Shep on rediscovering Sabbath (no free books though). One of those dirty words that makes me think of people with placards and all the things I wasn't allowed to do on Sundays. So I've been thinking about sabbathing as a concept of something good and beautiful - even more so than the little black ipod. More soon...

Kermode's review - Pirates of the Caribbean: at World's End

For your delight...
Kind of want to see it to see how bad it really is.
Orloondo Bland - genius